Domestic Violence is Sexy

On September 21 my wife and I were invited by the Association of American Indian Physicians to speak on issues surrounding domestic violence in Indian Country at their annual family wellness conference and it got us thinking about the coming month.

The displaying and wearing of the color purple is the national identifier for the recognition of October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  Don’t worry, it will be drowned out by the color pink in virtually every forum as this same month was also chosen as Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  My grandmother was cancer afflicted and if she were here today and could choose only one color to wear, it would still be purple.  Curing Breast Cancer is an important and necessary endeavor, but it is also safe.  Just watch any major professional or college sporting event and one will see a number of individuals and teams adorned in pink jerseys and cleats.  Famous pop music icon Chris Brown was even shown recently wearing a pink shirt in support.  Yes, the same Chris Brown who viciously beat his former girlfriend and singer Rihanna.  Chris doesn’t have much purple in his wardrobe these days.  Neither do some of the athletes running around in their new pink game day uniforms even though they too are guilty of such a cowardly act.  Domestic violence, unlike breast cancer, is not awash in major golf tournaments, 5K runs attracting hundreds of thousands, massive on-line donation drives, and other high profile activities.  It is literally a silent killer.  The sort of silence which occurs when a man hits a woman at a party and a hush comes over those in attendance.  The sort of silence that causes mothers to clean up the wounds of their son’s victim prior to the police arriving, while at the same time explaining to her that “he didn’t mean to do it.”  This furthering the evidence that violence of this nature is cyclical.

The current idea of the day is to vest more power into the hands of tribes in terms of law enforcement jurisdiction and prosecution.  This is founded on the belief that greater punishment serves as a deterrent to crime, though statistics clearly show that this is not the case.  Aside from this is the reality of the extreme nepotism and corruption existent in tribal courts which are primarily carbon copies of U.S. court systems with little traditional/cultural influence evidenced within them.  Case after case shows such venues being used as tools of retribution by tribal leaders.  Fear mongering and false accusations have become commonplace in these spaces where the judges, Attorney Generals, and others related to the process are hand picked and nominated by the very people charging others of “crimes”.  Political favors and a complete lack of impartiality are beginning to define these systems.  Domestic violence cannot be stopped or even slowed down in such arenas.  Its roots and contemporary practice are highly complex and in need of holistic traditional models of engagement. 

During my college years I was charged and convicted of assault on a fellow student-athlete who was beating up his girlfriend. This led to a broken arm and other injuries for him and a trip to jail, eventual probation, a missed athletic season, and a “suggested” transfer to another college for me.  During the appearance before the presiding judge, the abused girlfriend spoke against me in court by stating that I had started the fight and that her boyfriend was innocent.  This is a too common scenario for one being abused to succumb to the pressures of their abuser.  A week later I saw the two strolling through campus with her sporting a black eye.  My assumed act of “heroism” only led to further and increased abuse for her.  A female American Indian counselor recently told me that she does not recommend couple’s counseling to partners associated with domestic violence, as a woman who may finally feel comfortable enough to speak about the abuse she is subjected to will invariably receive more once she has disclosed it in front of another person.      

The acceptance of infidelity, glorification of male dominance and anger in media, stoppage of historic coming-of-age ceremonies for young women, and a complete lack of accountability by some Indian men and teenagers are a part of the problem. 

And that term accountability is also the solution.  Being accountable to our indigenous cultures is to insure the vitality and reinvigoration of those traditional teachings which disallow the marginalization of Indian women and a willingness to stand up to the men who do. 

While Chris Brown and his legions of fans may think domestic violence is sexy, I will be digging out all the purple (and gold) t-shirts and sweats from my school days at Haskell.  Maybe we all should.